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At 2008-12-07 19:40:02 (Central Time) someone
wrote:
(Views: 1617) Bottom
My 12 year old stepdaughter just came home drunk.
I'm pissed off. Actually, I'm the only one in the house who's pissed off at the situation and now I'm the asshole.
Our 12 year old has been wanting to go deer hunting, so we let her go for the weekend with friends of my wife's. I say her friends, because I really don't care for them. I could go in detail, but I'd rather not at this point. Let's just say I think they're trash.
Anyway, she was supposed to come home this evening. About an hour ago, we get a call from (let's call her Julie), saying that her husband "Matt" had made some strawberry daiquiris and let our daughter have a drink. unbeknownst to them, our daughter snuck behind their back and drank 4 of them. They called so we would know why she was wobbly and throwing up when they brought her home.
Julie dropped her off and left. The more I think about it, the more upset I am.
First of all, Dude she's 12. Secondly, isn't giving someone else's child alcohol a little out of the norm? My wife and I don't drink. I'm not holier-than-thou, I just don't care for it.
Julie and Matt have been in serious trouble before over their own kids. In fact, two of them were taken away because Matt had been hitting them from time to time. They've been investigated by Child Protective Services on numerous occasions. I tell my wife that it reflects on us that our daughter is allowed to go over there given their history.
I'm the only one who sees it that way, apparently. Now I'm inviting ridicule from the TF community by whining about it online. My wife is acting like I'm the one who's done something wrong since I said I didn't think our daughter needs to go over there anymore.
Should I just wash my hands of the deal and accept that I'm a step-parent with no input?
Go ahead, give me your worst ;)------- Updated 2008-12-07 19:49:57 ------- "So, naturally, you were fine with letting her go hunting with them."
No, I really don't like her going over there. They have excuses for everything. The two oldest boys were getting mouthy so Matt boxed them in the jaw a couple of times. The times CPS was called, it was Julie's mom, who hates her and was just trying to start trouble.
I didn't even know she was going over there until after she was already there. Yes, I know this is what sucks about being a step-parent. I feel like I have no input. When I talk to my wife about it, she says I do have input, but then she gets really quiet and acts like I'm being an asshole. Maybe I am. ------- Updated 2008-12-07 19:59:16 ------- As far as her sneaking the drinks...hell, I've done the same thing and so have most of you.
Julie and Matt live way out in the country on a ranch where their nearest neighbors are a mile or more away. Matt is a stereotypical redneck who is extremely homophobic and racist. They're not all bad. Matt works hard and Julie spits out kids.
I'm proud of them for calling and admitting what happened. I'm trying to convince my wife that if we let her go over again, we're just as guilty as they are...maybe more so. ------- Updated 2008-12-07 20:03:33 ------- "why the hell are two adults just wanting to hang out in the woods with a 12 year old"
She's always gone over there. They come over and ask "can we have our daughter this weekend?". They have 4 boys, ages 17 to 2, so she's a surrogate daughter for them. It turns out they didn't even go hunting. It's been really windy and dry here and she spent the weekend helping them fight fires in the pastures. ------- Updated 2008-12-07 20:09:08 ------- I love my wife with all my heart. I love the girls like I do my own kids. I've brought up the all or nothing scenario before and my wife says "of course you have a say so". But, whenever I disagree with them on something big, like this, they pout. Don't get me wrong, my wife is upset. The daughter is grounded for a long time and is sent to her room.
I guess I've just finally reached the end of my rope with Julie and Matt. I swear to God, it's always something with them. Not a week goes by that there's not some drama. It's getting old. My wife and Julie have been friends for years, so I feel bad by coming out against Julie. I don't want it to seem like I'm trying to pick her friends. ------- Updated 2008-12-07 20:13:46 ------- Now she's on the bathroom retching. I feel like Chet from Weird Science.
The boozehounds have returned!
Discussion can be found here: http://forums.fark.com/cgi/fark/comments.pl?IDLink=4067241
| Whamdangler | Quote 2008-12-07 19:43:27 | Julie and Matt have been in serious trouble before over their own kids. In fact, two of them were taken away because Matt had been hitting them from time to time. They've been investigated by Child Protective Services on numerous occasions.
So, naturally, you were fine with letting her go hunting with them.
| | Nescio quid dicas | Quote 2008-12-07 19:51:04 | 1) At least she's not your daughter.
2) Call the cops on the other kids parents.
| | FuturePastNow | Quote 2008-12-07 19:53:46 | Welcome to Kentucky.
| | House of Tards | Quote 2008-12-07 19:57:41 | Is your step-daughter friends with one of Matt and Julie's (bruised) kids? 'Cause otherwise why the hell are two adults just wanting to hang out in the woods with a 12 year old (coincidentally with tasty, fruity drinks)?
| | Hyperbolic Hyperbole | Quote 2008-12-07 20:02:25 | The level of authority you carry with your stepchildren depends on a few things:
A) How old the children were when you married their mom
B) How your stepchild views your relationship with your wife (i.e. sees you as cowing to the wife's desires, not an equal authority in the marriage. etc.)
C) How active you are in your stepchild's life (it's possible to be too active)
D) Probably the most important one: What your wife feels about you exercising authority over the daughter's life. This attitude will transfer in part if not completely to the daughter.
(Keep in mind that actual analysis here is me generalizing based on one event here as related to us by you)
The fact that she got to go with folks that not only don't you give a lick for, but who are known for abusing children speaks to the nature of your relationship with your wife, if in fact you openly suggested it was a bad idea before. If by "You're the only one in the house who's pissed off" means your wife and stepdaughter are aligned against you, that probably answers D as well.
My stepdad had absolutely no say in decisions regarding us because my mom didn't want him to have it, and most of us were old enough when they got married that we were not about to pay him any heed.
My younger sister was still a small child when they got married, however, and it was my mom's attitude about it that carried over completely to her by the time she was 13. The level of disrespect she showed him was appalling and made me want to slap her upside the head on various occasions.
I don't know how long you've been married or how old she was or what the real specifics of the conversation between you and your wife were both before and after, but it's very likely too late to wrangle any authority over your stepdaughter's teen years. It doesn't really sound like you had any to begin with.
I don't know what else to say.
| | Starry Heavens | Quote 2008-12-07 20:09:25 | Remember to point out to your daughter -- seriously and calmly -- that four drinks could easily KILL someone her weight (assuming she's a normally-sized 12-year-old, or even otherwise). If she didn't make the drinks herself, she has no idea how much alcohol is in them, and she could easily drink too much too quickly before starting to feel any effects. "Sleeping it off" is NOT a safe answer if you don't know how much you've drunk; it is incredibly easy to die in your sleep if you've passed out.
| | frankburns | Quote 2008-12-07 20:09:38 | Seems like there are a few assholes in this situation, you are not one of them! If you want to become one, this would be a great time to start giving your step daughter some really good step-dad issues to deal with when she gets to AA.
| | House of Tards | Quote 2008-12-07 20:10:37 | It turns out they didn't even go hunting. It's been really windy and dry here and she spent the weekend helping them fight fires in the pastures
If there's anything that mixes better with daiquiris than rednecks and firearms it's rednecks and wildfires.
| | thepersonalgoddess | Quote 2008-12-07 20:11:15 | Dude, seriously? When I was 14, I hung out with 17 year old boys in the woods...
That's all I will say.
| | LJRacing91 | Quote 2008-12-07 20:13:58 | No way! Hunters being trash? Never would have guessed!
My solution: Divorce.
The bitch obviously doesn't know how to take care of her kids. You think she can make good marital choices either? If you don't divorce now, you will not too far into the future. Curious as to why the first guy left? Stick around for another year or two, you'll find out.
| | Hyperbolic Hyperbole | Quote 2008-12-07 20:16:50 | My wife and Julie have been friends for years, so I feel bad by coming out against Julie. I don't want it to seem like I'm trying to pick her friends.
It's one thing to pick your wife's friends, it's quite another to point out and excise a known danger to your child.
I had a very good friend for 8 or so years (he was the best man at my wedding). I always knew he wasn't exactly on the level, and while my wife never really liked him, it became apparent to me that I couldn't hang out with him anymore (went from "not exactly on the level" to very seriously into drugs, like an in prison for drugs and the crimes committed while on them). That wasn't the kind of person I wanted hanging around my child, and after that he certainly wasn't someone who I trusted with my son.
Sometimes these dangerous relationships have to be removed for your family's sake - but it would be best if your wife realized this herself.
| | soosh | Quote 2008-12-07 20:20:31 | Seriously, if my 12 year-old son came home drunk from adults giving him alcohol? I would be pissed as hell at those adults, probably to the point of calling the police. And I'm not particularly anti-alcohol.
| | tin_man | Quote 2008-12-07 20:21:10 | Damn, HH. That was an excellent post.
| | mayberebecca | Quote 2008-12-07 20:23:21 | it sucks that you married a woman and took responsibility of her child and seem to have some rather conflicting ideas about how it's acceptable for the kid to live.
woops.
| | drew46n2 | Quote 2008-12-07 20:31:05 | duh, its pretty obvious you shouldnt have let her go with these people in the first place. WTF? dude got in trouble for beating his own kids, but its ok for yours to go hunting with them?
drama in the trailer park, fo sho...
| | MickeyD | Quote 2008-12-07 20:32:46 | thepersonalgoddess: Dude, seriously? When I was 14, I hung out with 17 year old boys in the woods...
That's all I will say.
That's ok. We all see where it's gotten you.
| | thepersonalgoddess | Quote 2008-12-07 20:40:55 | MickeyD: thepersonalgoddess: Dude, seriously? When I was 14, I hung out with 17 year old boys in the woods...
That's all I will say.
That's ok. We all see where it's gotten you.
Actually, I was a good kid until I was 17. But this was a trip with several teens and lots of stuff was going on. Nowadays, 12 year olds are doing more than the older teens.
Ask anyone who hung out with older kids. Besides, he let his daughter go with a couple he doesn't really care for and they have an older son. Not the best of decisions.
| | cattheotherwhitemeat | Quote 2008-12-08 10:47:49 | How long have you been married to her mom? That seems to be most of what I care about when it comes to whether or not you should have any input.
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