submitter: I'm at the end of my rope. I'm ALWAYS depressed. Probably the return of my clinical depression, but since my crappy insurance doesn't provide any mental help, I can't even get it taken care of.

things are NOT hopeless. You need to talk to a mental health professional so you can address your stress, depression, and that person can help you see all the alternatives to your present situation.

There ARE other answers to your current situation and you are NOT "trapped" there.

If insurance is an issue call your city or county mental health agency and they can tell you about programs that will help pay most or all of your mental health counseling.

BUT you MUST......PLEASE......see a mental health professional. Things WILL get better. I promise.

First the verbal slap to stop the hysterics and bring you back to reality.

/suck it up and get over it.

Now the advice.

Now is the problem because you are being forced to live back at home or because of your mother's failing health? Please be honest.

I understand the privacy concerns regarding bringing a date over and if you want to have sex with her or not but you also need to realize that if you are dating someone that can't understand your peculiar circumstance then they possibly aren't worth more than a booty call and there are places you can rent to take care of that business, no questions asked.

In regards to your mother, I am sorry it's happening but there is little anyone can do about it including yourself aside from being as supportive and understanding as possibly, otherwise you are only making it harder on her, not to mention you.

But above all you have to decide for yourself what is more important, at least for the time being. Personal Independence, or sacrificing a bit of that in order to care for you family. No it's not an easy choice to make but you have to make it otherwise you will tear yourself apart and do no favors to neither your mother, yourself or your family.

Why doesn't your sister take care of her? I mean, shit, she has herself and two kids there...

Sis is working, but the kid's dad has been completely useless, so most of her money goes to taking care of the kids; Food, clothes, daycare, etc. She sued for child support, and the state granted her $80 (yes, eighty dollars) per child.

Your sister sounds like a winner. Let her take care of your mom. Make her actually do something for her. She is the one freeloading for a home.

For you: You need to breath and weigh your options. If your mother is that sick, you are setting up her deathbed by not getting her the adequate care she needs. A assisted living facility isnt that bad. I have known many relatives that are there because their health would be cared better than being at home with family.

Have you ever seen What's Eating Gilbert Grape?

If not, I highly recommend you watch it.

If so, you *know* what needs to be done.

I said something in the thread, but I'll say something here.
I feel your pain, if only obliquely. I do not know how to fix my situation, so I cannot offer any assistance to you. But know, that I wish you well, for what it's worth.

"
If I had a dollar for every woman who has told me what a good person I am and how any woman would be lucky to date me, only to come up with half-assed excuses why they can't date me, money wouldn't be a problem."

you know what? fark those kind of women. No seriously. You are overwhelming yourself because you are letting those women get to you, in other words you are thinking with YOUR PENIS and not YOUR BRAIN.

Do the following, find a support group, whether online or out in the real world, most hospital and community centers can guide you to one. And trust me, if you join one you will meet many people that are in a similar or worse place than you and like all communities they are there to help one another. But above all get your head out of your ass, realize that it's not a hopeless situation, remember to breathe and understand that it's all part of life. It may suck but guess what no one ever said that life was all about unicorn farts and big breasted vixens with beer taps for nipples.

Once you straighten that out in your head then you can start dating, otherwise it will only end tragically for all parties involved.

Also, what types of illnesses does she have? What operations did she have? Can she walk, bathe herself? Did she have a stroke? Also, I don't get this whole insurance thing. If she is getting Disability, shouldnt she be getting government assisted insurance? They usually go hand in hand in most states.

*hugs*

Apply for social security again. I read somewhere they pretty much deny everything right off the bat. Just have to keep at it.

And you need to sit your mom and sister down and tell them you love them, but they need to figure out an alternative situation 'cause you'll be moving out in 6 months.

Your sister needs to stop with the daycare and give that money to your mom. The kids can stay home while sis is working.

They can figure something out. If you didn't exist, they would have to. Sorry if that's cold, but you gotta take care of you. You're no use to anyone if you're so depressed that you drink yourself to a stupor.

Give them a time limit.

Social Security denied her disability, because she's not sick enough, according to their standards. Because of her heart operations, she's very weak.


What kind of heart operations?

She had stomach surgery, and can't really digest anything now. Left her with a thing known as "dumping syndrome", where essentially anything she eats will work it's way right back out of her, without any of the vitamins & nutrients being absorbed.

What is her diagnosis and what was the surgery?

Think of it as she's had a nasty stomach flu for the last two years. She's not infirmed enough to be accepted into any assisted living, she's only 64, so she's not old enough for medicare.

She can try for medicaid though. BUt evidently, her symptoms and prior surgeries are showing evidence of her being able to care for herself.

Also, she will be old enough at 65. Start the countdown for assisted living and sell the house to pay the differential in advance. Let your sister look for herself.

You need to go back to the SS offices and explain the situation, her age should not matter in regards to disability or SSI or some other benefit. That is if she is as bad off as you say she is. Talk to her doctors and get them to write up a report stating that she cannot work and is pretty much disabled, but you have to stay on the ball and make sure it gets done. Trust me I've seen people put on permanent disability over stuff that is not as severe as what it appears that your mother is going through. But as I said you have to get the ball rolling and get on the doctors and the SSA and make sure all the paperwork is being taken care of. And don't take no for an answer since they can do far more than what you believe they can.

scruffy1: You need to go back to the SS offices and explain the situation, her age should not matter in regards to disability or SSI or some other benefit. That is if she is as bad off as you say she is. Talk to her doctors and get them to write up a report stating that she cannot work and is pretty much disabled, but you have to stay on the ball and make sure it gets done. Trust me I've seen people put on permanent disability over stuff that is not as severe as what it appears that your mother is going through. But as I said you have to get the ball rolling and get on the doctors and the SSA and make sure all the paperwork is being taken care of. And don't take no for an answer since they can do far more than what you believe they can.


Exactly, I see patients who are in their 40s with Medicare. Yes, they need it and sometimes you just have to fight a little harder to get those benefits. But diagnosis is everything and that is why I am eager to find out the heart and stomach diagnosis.

Look subby, reach me at my EIP on my TF profile if you want to further talk about this. I am willing to help you work on getting your mother the insurance needed and what plan of action will work the best. BUt if you want to keep living in your stress-induced situation and don;t want to take sound advice, don't complain for that choice.

thepersonalgoddess: Exactly, I see patients who are in their 40s with Medicare. Yes, they need it and sometimes you just have to fight a little harder to get those benefits. But diagnosis is everything and that is why I am eager to find out the heart and stomach diagnosis.

Isn't it true that SS usually automatically turns people down the first three times?

Vegaswench: thepersonalgoddess: Exactly, I see patients who are in their 40s with Medicare. Yes, they need it and sometimes you just have to fight a little harder to get those benefits. But diagnosis is everything and that is why I am eager to find out the heart and stomach diagnosis.

Isn't it true that SS usually automatically turns people down the first three times?

I know, right?
Most people tell me that is the case. You must be eager to want it and to work the steps to get it. Sadly, sometimes it is easier for assholes who don't need it thsn people who really do.


Also, subby:

The diagnosis are very important. Without knowing what they are is hard to even decipher what stomach surgery she had or the diagnosis leading to it. EIP, if you want.

Hey, is she taking any vitamins? B12?

thepersonalgoddess: Vegaswench: thepersonalgoddess:

The diagnosis are very important. Without knowing what they are is hard to even decipher what stomach surgery she had or the diagnosis leading to it. EIP, if you want.

Remember this. Get her records and diagnosis and get the doctor to write out her diagnosis in order to give it to the powers that be at the SSA. Otherwise they are going to dismiss it as someone with bad indigestion and bad heartburn. But you also need to stay on task and make sure that all the paperwork is being taken care of, it takes a while and sometimes there is a lot of it but once you get it all done it gets a bit easier.

scruffs and the others are right. There is an order that you have to take care of your issues. First priority is addressing your depression and mental health and there is help out there. As you feel more in control and can access the resources around you, you can come up with ways to troubleshoot the terrible situation with your family and then finally your need for a partnership.

You need a bit of stability and confidence for meeting women and long term relationships. What you say about women kind of taking pity and then backing away? It's just the wrong perspective. You shouldn't be looking for women in these places, women offering to fix your problems or your loneliness. No one wants that responsibility, or if they do then they have major issues themselves. You need someone who is fundamentally seeking a partnership where you support each other and of course she should be kind and sensitive to what's going on in your environment. If she's not, then she's not worth your time.

She should get her meds adjusted then. She shouldn't be so run down and without energy.

elysive:

Hey happy b-day, hope it all turned out great. Hope it went well with the monks as well.

/end threadjack

scruffy1: thepersonalgoddess: Vegaswench: thepersonalgoddess:

The diagnosis are very important. Without knowing what they are is hard to even decipher what stomach surgery she had or the diagnosis leading to it. EIP, if you want.

Remember this. Get her records and diagnosis and get the doctor to write out her diagnosis in order to give it to the powers that be at the SSA. Otherwise they are going to dismiss it as someone with bad indigestion and bad heartburn. But you also need to stay on task and make sure that all the paperwork is being taken care of, it takes a while and sometimes there is a lot of it but once you get it all done it gets a bit easier.


Here is my deal: Dumping syndrome usually happens after certain stomach surgeries: Gastric Bypass and stomach altering surgeries.

This syndrome is usually stabilized with diet but... in some cases another surgery is needed to correct it. I knew a patient who had this after gastric bypass and it was bad news bc she didn't change her diet. She ended up dying 6 mths later. I don't wish any bad upon your mother but she needs to keep this in line or it will be for the worse.

Barnacles!: submitter: I'm at the end of my rope. I'm ALWAYS depressed. Probably the return of my clinical depression, but since my crappy insurance doesn't provide any mental help, I can't even get it taken care of.

things are NOT hopeless. You need to talk to a mental health professional so you can address your stress, depression, and that person can help you see all the alternatives to your present situation.

There ARE other answers to your current situation and you are NOT "trapped" there.

If insurance is an issue call your city or county mental health agency and they can tell you about programs that will help pay most or all of your mental health counseling.

BUT you MUST......PLEASE......see a mental health professional. Things WILL get better. I promise.

see, I like it when you have actual substance to contribute.